The Team
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Week 3: The Agony of Defeat
This week we played Peninsula United, our one true hope for a win this season. In true Gunners fashion, we found a way to lose. The game was tied at 0 to 0 until the latter part of the second half when Jurgen fouled a Peninsula player by sliding in from behind. The tackle got ball first then the guy but in this league a tackle from behind is illegal. Peninsula scored on the ensuing penalty kick. Sad times for all involved as we went down to defeat.
Other notable contributions to our loss included large numbers of our team not showing up, again in true Gunner fashion. We still managed to field 11 players but shortly into the second half something "popped" in Patrick's leg and we were left with only your humble author at forward.
That's right, your humble author at FORWARD! I managed to create extreme havok at the begining of the game by harrying midfielders and backs, stealing the ball and causing several throw-ins. But unfortunately my 283 pounds of soccer fury quickly ran out of gas and I had to pick my spots. I had a couple of ineffective shots on goal, one of which ended with my cleat stuck in the oppenent's shorts, pulling them down inadvertently.
Like many soccer players, these guys had a whiny little bitch on their team, his name was Dave, which shames me to no end, having to share a name with big baby like this. He got hot under the collar early for getting kicked in the ankles. Hey, here's an update to any whiny bitches reading this: SOCCER IS A CONTACT SPORT DUMBASSES! Also if there is a ball at your feet and people are trying to steal that ball from you; EXPECT TO BE KICKED IN THE ANKLES! ITS PART OF THE GAME! When the whiny Dave asked if we ever played the ball or just played the body, I responded, "Yeah we pretty much play whatever we can get."
Late in the game ol' Dave came charging in at yours truly for a 50/50 ball, he decided to slide and I decided to kick the ball. He came in cleats up, I kicked the ball, evidenced by the ball being advanced down the field in our direction, and on the follow through my shin collided with Dave's cleats. I guess the hurt the fragile little flower as he immediately jumped up yelling at me about playing the ball. I yelled back, "I did kick the ball, idiot. You're the one who just cleated my shin, dickwad!"
To Dave's credit, he did come and apologize to me explaining that he was frustrated. Whatever, our teams will play again in the playoffs and when we do, I'm sure I will have a surprise in store for my old friend.
Also, Drew put Dave down to the ground, sending him out of the game.
Forward was fun, I got to make several plays, had my chances at goal and ran a lot more than I thought I was going to. Hopefully, by the playoffs I'll be more like 270 pounds of soccer fury or maybe even less which should allow me to run a little more.
I have to take some responsibility here, I talked Chris out of putting Pedro on our back line in place of Jurgen. I probably made a mistake there as Jurgen's penalty pretty much cost us the game. Our next game is on Wednesday and we'll most probably see a change in lineup. I hope we put Sal back for Jurgen and move him up to defensive mid, leaving Pedro to play midfield but we'll see.
Well, it's getting late and I think it is time for me to have visions of soccer balls dancing in my head, but look for another post later this week describing our next stunning defeat on our quest for a perfect winless season! Oh yes it is great to be a Gunner!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Week 2: Here comes the 3-5-2!
Hello again, gentle reader, this is 284 pounds of soccer fury coming your way!
This week we played MIIS. I have taken my shower and pulled on my sweats, so let's get to the recap!
Andrew erased our 3-5-2 diagram early Monday in frustration. We had agreed after the Monterey United game that we would work on Chris this week to play a 3-5-2. Chris' justification was that we were going to win that first game anyway so the formation didn't matter. I think that is just silly, we should have been practicing the formation that we were going to play this year. Luckily for us Chris came in and had an "idea" that we should play a 3-5-2 this week. We rejoiced and prepared.
Tuesday practice had me walking the team through their positions and responsibilities. Thursday I missed practice due to work.
Kevin went on injured reserve as he played on a pulled hamstring. He missed Monday and Tuesday and had to visit the doctor. We will miss him but I was getting concerned at the end of the game about his temperment anyway. I don't know if he could have stood a whole season of the awesomeness that is Gunner's soccer.
This week we gained another player named Pedro. Pedro rocks. He is very good. This week we missed Kevin and Patrick but had everyone else there, 3 subs! wow!
We played a 3-5-2 with yours truly playing defense mid field. We had Chris L., Andrew, and Jurgen across the back from left to right. Jacob and me at defensive midfield. Charlie, Bee, and Dan, the asian halfback at mid field and Pedro and Eric at striker. The majority of the first half was played in the middle of the field and we looked pretty good. I was really happy with the 3-5-2 and it's effectiveness at letting us push up. We didn't have a lot of offense, maybe 3 shots on goal with a half dozen or so pushes downfield. We still suck at winning the ball in the air and our team fitness sucks but we did pretty good and it felt like MIIS had to work for all 9 of their goals.
Andrew delivered the hit of the game, sending a player to the ground. I was sent to the gound myself on a short break away and a dumped ball for our forwards.
Overall, there was progress and I was pretty happy with the result.
We lost Jacob to what we think is a left calf tear. Current talk is to move Jurgen to right defensive midfield and me to Jacob's position. Andrew and I would like Sal to move back to Jurgens' position but Chris mentioned putting Pedro back there. I think this would be a mistake as Pedro is a hell of a ball handler and is attack oriented. I'm afraid he would move up the field a lot and we might have a gap there.
More to come and welcome back to the blog folks!
Final result: 9-0 MIIS winners 5 goals in the first half and 4 goals in the second half.
First Debacle against Monterey United
Chris has agreed to field the team, which long term readers will understand is the only way this team is going to work. So, of course, your favorite blog author is doing all the work and Chris is putting up all the money. Just like old times.
First off we had to get a team together. Here is the roster going into the first week:
- Chris
- David
- Andrew
- Jacob
- Charlie
- Schwabby
- Sal
- Jurgen
- Chris L.
- Kevin
- Bee
- Greg
- Wes
- Patrick
- Eric
Andrew and I had several discussions during the week. Andrew suggested that we play a 3 5 2 instead of the 4 4 2 that we had been playing previously. I thought this was a pretty solid idea. Here is what our 3 5 2 would look like:
I know this is a crappy image but you get the idea. Basically, with this formation we would devote half the players to offense and half the players to defense, hopefully giving us a stronger mid field in the process. We planned on putting our best athletes across the back line and then at center midfield and again at striker. This would give us an inverted T to build the team around. A strong spine and strong back line. Of course it didn't go that way.So here is how it went down on game day: No Jacob, no Jurgen, no Greg. So one sub. Chris calls us over before the game and says that we are going to play a 4 4 2 with the following line up. Kevin at wing, yours truly at right center, Schwabby at left center, and Chris L. at left wing across the back. Good idea. Put all 287 pounds of soccer fury (me) in the middle of back line with another big guy who has never played the game before next to me. We had originally planned to have Andrew anchor the back line but Chris wanted him up, so that's what we did. I looked at Schwabby and said, "This is going to suck, we have no chance." We immediately had problems as they scored 3 quick goals by running around Schwabby and I like the big immobile people we are. Also, Schwabby's lack of experience showed as he marked up tight on men well up the field and they promptly ran around him.
After the three goals we began making changes, moving Schwabby and Chris L. and myself and Kevin so we could get some more speed in the middle. I also didn't help things because I was running the line. I told myself, "No offsides traps today." I even said it aloud to make sure not to do it. And immediately I tried for an offsides trap when one of their players streaked by us. I turned around wondering why the whistle wasn't blown when the ball was passed and I saw Chris L. about 20 yards downfield behind us, covering no one. Chase chase chase, Gooooaaaaaalllll! Montery United. Undaunted I told Chris L. to stay up with me (which he did very well!) but the next play, Schwabby was running with the man instead of stepping up. Chase chase chase Goooooaaaalllll! Monterey United. I tried the offsides trap one more time, I guess because I'm stupid with another goal as the result. Monterey United got called for offsides once during the game.
Early on, I also dished out some punishment. I may not be a fast man or a great soccer player, but I do know how to hit people. Sal was in at right wing on the back, kicked at the ball very late and caught all ankle on their star striker. He went down screaming about his bad ankle...wah wah wah. I filed away this very important information. A couple of minutes later I found myself a step or two behind this forward and as I chased he took a shot on goal, missing wide. I continued running straight and as he veered in I gave him a shoulder. Now I could have let up but I didn't I shouldered into this guy and put him on the ground and as I found myself stumbing over him, I made sure to stomp on each of his ankles. He screamed again and took a while to get up. I muttered that I was sorry and ran off. But I wasn't.
One other incident of note happened during this game. The other forward was a very small guy and as I was tired of people running by us, I pulled out another old trick and dusted it off. One of my favorite things to do is find a halfback or forward looking back for the ball to played through and then work my way around into his blind spot between him and the goal. The ball gets played ahead and the player turns to go downfield but he finds his old friend Dave, all 287 pounds of soccer fury posted up between him and where he wants to go. I just stand my ground and lower a shoulder. Since I have posted up so close to him, he only gets a step or two before I send him to the ground. It's beautiful because the play is usually across the field when this happens so no one sees except for the player and I. It goes like this: Player looks upfield, I post up, he takes a step down field accelerating and begins to turn his head, I lower a shoulder and grin, he collides with me and then collides with the ground, beautiful.
Well, I pulled the "old classic" as Dan the asian halfback would say on this poor bastard and sent him to the turf. Like a lot of the whiney babies out there he began to yell and complain. I pulled my usual trot off and act like nothing happened but I didn't like a certain look in the referee's eye, so I said, "He ran into me." This infuriated the other player. I told him, "Please stop running into me, I don't want you to hurt me." He didn't like that either. He made several comments about me needing to lose a 100 pounds which was totally silly because I only need to lose like 80 pounds. Then when I made the comment about him hurting me he said, "I will hurt you, I don't care if you weigh a hundred pounds more than me or not!" I looked at him, smiled and said, "You can try," before turning my back on him. The ball had gone out for a corner kick. The other player moved around behind me and my only worry was that he would kick me in my right ankle which is severely sprained and hurts something fierce.
But I had nothing to worry about. As the ball came in, the player ran at me jumped in the air and buried his arms in my back with all of his might. I sort of twitched a little, I guess. It was like a ten year old girl trying to push me. Of course I began to yell, "Oh my God! Did you see that!?" Chris tried to calm me down as the play was blown dead. "David calm down, they'll give you a yellow card for running your mouth like that." I replied, "I'm just shocked! I thought there was a man behind me but it felt like a ten year old girl just pushed me in the back!" The ref came running over and asked us if we wanted him to babysit for the rest of the game and I replied no quite loudly and told him that I had no need of a babysitter.
Well after that my fun was done for the game and we went down to a 14 - 0 loss. It was good ol' pathetic Gunners soccer but the hits keep on comin!
Back from the Dead
After a couple of seasons off, the Gunners are back! I know that you have felt a terrible emptiness in your life, dear, gentle reader, without our exploits and tales of daring do and heroism to inspire you. But fear no more! For the Gunners have risen from the ashes and taken the field once more! I'm going to do two posts after this one. The first will recap our first game against Monterey United and the second will recap today's game against MIIS.
So enjoy reader! The Gunners are back on the field!
